AskEMME: Back In The Picture

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Q: I just received a note from a woman who, up until about six months ago, was a good friend. I ended our relationship because I was tired of being hurt by her all the time- Martha would sometimes make nasty comments about my husband, job and the clothes I wore, and I always felt like, she was jealous of me. I admit that I didn’t end the friendship as maturely as I would have liked, but I also felt so tired- like she was a drain on my energy- so I just kind of stopped calling one day. Anyway, the note basically said that she missed me and our friendship and that she hoped I felt the same. She ended it by asking if I would give her a call. I’m reluctant,in part because of the way I handled things, but also because I’m not sure I really want to rekindle our friendship. What should I do?

A: Pick up the phone and make a coffee date with Martha! When you see her, tell her how hurt you were by her past behavior. Tell her that the nasty comments and put-downs were what caused the break, and the relationship was far from emotionally nourishing for you. Let her know what you want from a friend and how you like to feel around one. For me, girlfriend relationships are prized jewels. When I make plans to get together with a pal, I know both of us are excited to share and soak in the experience. Seeing Martha could have two positive results: Your feelings will be heard, and you might be able to regain an old friend. Listen to her reaction to your concerns. Is she angry? Does she apologize for her past behavior? If she is open and you feel good about seeing her, congratulations for making the first move. You’ve got a friend back. If she’s the same and isn’t receptive, your future as friends is dim. It’s plain and simple: You can’t teach an old dog a new trick if the dog is not willing to try. With that said, you have nothing to lose but an hour for coffee.


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* AskEMME previously published in MODE Magazine


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